gentlemen, avert your eyes

Sorry guys, but um, you may not want to read this post. This is your fair warning to stop now. Really. I’m going to talk ‘girl talk’. Click away from here.

I am not an overweight person, but when pregnant I gain the pounds (like I’m supposed to!) and it all gets deposited between my belly, hips, and thighs. All (eventual) 30lbs of it. Oh my poor thighs. I’m not that big a fan of them in general but when I’m pregnant? They’re huge. ugh. And because of their increased girth, I get the chafing, or as one friend called it: chub rub.

Horrible description that, but so right. The chub is rubbin’ and it hurts. I see a few options here: walk like a cowboy; don’t walk at all (challenging… but worth consideration); wear pants; wear shorts; wear shorts under skirts. Let’s analyze that:

Walk like a cowboy. I’m already huge, so I could probably get away with walking funny I suppose. I’ll keep this option in mind.

Don’t walk. Right. Do you know how much walking I do on a normal day? Up to 2 miles if not more. Not walking is not an option.

Wear pants. It’s summer. In Philly. It’s over 90F with humidity. I’m pregnant. Wearing pants not only sounds like a retarded idea it sounds torturous. No thanks.

Wear shorts. Sure, after work and on weekends. But I can’t very well wear shorts to work.

Wear shorts under skirts. Um, you want me to put on MORE clothing? Go back to the pants explanation: hot, humid, pregnant. No extra layers are wanted.

So, I wear skirts and dresses. And I suffer the chafing rub. Suffer.

Until today. Until I went to google and did a search and found out about a cream called Soothing Care.* Wha? Enough people suffer from this embarrassing state of being that there’s a cream out there? The clouds parted and the sun shone down and the birds sang and twittered around a rainbow. I nearly RAN, well, as fast as a cowboy can, to the closest drugstore to get myself some of this magic cream.

[Oh a slight side note to drugstores -- why are you stocking this next to the yeast infection stuff? Ok, sure, it's marketed towards women but I'm sure guys could use it! Don't they get chub rub, too? Just because it's made by Monistat doesn't mean that it needs to be in the feminine products aisle. It's a skin protectant. It clearly states that it's NOT intended to treat yeast infections. Truth be told, I looked in the skin care lotion aisle first and when I didn't find it there I wandered over to the feminine products aisle. C'mon people... think outside the box for once, would you?!?]

Anyway, I applied the magic cream. I walked like a normal person. Without irritation. It was a miracle. It was like my inner thighs weren’t even under the same skirt. I even tried the “model” walk — you know, the one that looks like your thighs were molded together? — this stuff was working! Hallelujah!

So for those of you made it to the end of this post — next time you see me walking and smiling you’ll know what’s keeping the chub rub at bay.

*not sponsored post. I’m just writing this to help all ya’ll out ’cause I never heard of this stuff before and sure could have used it with pregnancy #s 1 & 2.

*p.s. also heard that BodyGlide may do the trick.